Monday, June 15, 2009

Mmmm, Bop

I know we on the blogosphere enjoy referencing Chris Hansen of "To Catch a Predator" on Dateline. At one time or another we have all made a kiddie-porn joke. Mostly because we are sick, sick perverts.

That being said, ever notice that he is kind of a prick?

I mean, I get that he is talking to dudes who are trying to make whoopee with 12 yr olds and stuff, but seriously, Chris, you don't have to get all judgmental.

The cookie thing is the worst. This guy thought he was getting some sweet young ass, and now you are trying to force a cookie down his throat? Don't act like you just baked those, either, we all know you paid $3.99 at the local grocery and they taste like cardboard. They may be pedophiles but that doesn't mean they don't know a good cookie when they see one.

Then he starts reading all the creepy shit these guys wrote in the chat. What guy hasn't said some ridiculous shit to a girl to get laid? I sure as hell don't want someone reading back, verbatim, the things I say to my girlfriend. Especially when he reads them like a judge reading a sentence. "I want to cover you in red hots and call you 'Shazam'" sounds a lot hotter when I say it in my sexy voice. Don't ruin this for me, Chris!

Then he lets the guy go, thinking he is free and as soon as he walks outside some cop hits him like a linebacker. These guys are all 5'6" 145 lbs and have mustaches - I don't think you need to bring in The Hulk to tackle him. My grandma could arrest most of these guys.

And finally, I realize the guys he is talking so say some dirty shit - but Chris is the one pretending to be a 12 yr old girl and chatting with a 40 yr old guy about sex. I've read those transcripts before - and they sound more like the lyrics to an LL Cool J song than an online chat. I've seen porn that was cleaner than the shit he writes about.

I'd like to meet Chris Hansen and tell him to lighten up, have a little more fun. Maybe we could even have "game night" at his house.

But he better bake some real fucking cookies.

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12 comments:

surviving myself said...

I'd love to see how perfect Hanson's life is. Dude is a complete asshole.

Matt said...

I dont know dude. Have you ever had those Keebler Soft Batch Peanut butter cookies?

those beat out most freshly baked cookies.

lacochran said...

"These guys are all 5'6" 145 lbs and have mustaches"

I thought you were 5'10"...?

Baking With Plath said...

"I want to cover you in red hots and call you 'Shazam'"

I'm fucking pissed that no one has ever said that to me.

moooooog35 said...

You had me at 'Shazam.'

LiLu said...

Maybe you guys could do karaoke together. It wouldn't be gay at all.

Deutlich said...

I've not been able to tell if I'm more annoyed by him or those pervs.

Always a Bridesmaid said...

I'd be a dick if my hair looked like that too.

Himbo said...

Narm, weren't you a pedophile.... "for Halloween"?

Angela said...

He's an even bigger jerk when he does shows like Dateline NBC Identity Theft.

Karen said...

Maybe it's my weird sense of humor, but CH is total comic relief on that show. It's almost as if he acts extra prick-y just to make it funny for the viewers at home. If he read the transcripts LESS judgmental, then it wouldn't be so funny.

Also, I really like it when the pedophiles bring balloons or teddy bears or presents. Klassy.

Mike said...

I'm waiting for the show - How to cure a preditor. But then finding out what's wrong with them and fixing them wouldn't be any fun would it. I know good cookies would fix me.