Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Only The Good Die Young

Jimi Hendrix
Kurt Cobain
Janis Joplin
Jim Morrison

All hugely famous and incredibly talented artists who died at age 27.

I turn 26 at the end of this month.

That means I have a year and change to enjoy life before the curse of ridiculously famous virtuosos strikes me down.

I feel like I have so much more to give! What if I die and no one ever knows my true feeling for Nickelback - that they suck.

But other than the whole death thing, I also feel immense pressure. Three out of four of the people listed died of heroin and the other one died of a self-inflicted gun shot wound while insanely hopped up on heroin.

That doesn't leave much room for creativity.

And not only do I not do heroin but I HATE needles. I would be a horrible drug addict. I would have to look the other way and count to ten every time I wanted to shoot up and then cry until the other drug addicts put a Batman band-aid on the hole.

I tried to find away around this - like dating a female super hero so I could say I was doing heroine, or naming my car heroin and then driving off of a cliff.

But I also realize that I need to leave a legacy - and though I aim to please, I just don't think I have it in me to start shooting up with heroin all the time. I've seen heroin addicts and they are crazy skinny. If doing heroin means giving up bacon, then my heart belongs to bacon.

It's better to fatten up than to fade away.


Ashley said...

I promise to pass along the message that Nickleback sucks!

Matt said...

Just try shooting up once...

just to see.

lbluca77 said...

So is this your way of saying we have until the end of the month to buy you a birthday gift?

Ben said...

"I tried to find away around this - like dating a female super hero so I could say I was doing heroine, or naming my car heroin and then driving off of a cliff."

That's kind of profound, isn't it?

surviving myself said...

It's better to fatten up than to fade away.

I do believe Neil Young took that to heart.

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

my comedy hero artie lange was a heroin addict and he was no where near skinny.

i think you should try it.

Christina_the_wench said...

Don't give in to the peer pressure. Stay strong, brother. And pork product loyal.

LiLu said...

I was stabbed in the mouth with a needle 9 times yesterday.

Trust me, it ain't the way to go.

Deutlich said...

Holy shit. I AM 27.

For fuck's sake.

moooooog35 said...

Lilu had sex with me 9 times last night?

Oh...where was I.

Interesting statistic about death at age 27.

That's how old I was when I got married.

It comes in all forms, my friend.

It comes in all forms.

lacochran's evil twin said...

26? God, you're old.

Lily said...

Well, you could try eating bacon WHILE shooting up.

I don't really know how that would help but...well...there it is.

Angela said...

There's no way anyone would ever catch me putting a needle into my own arm. I still cry if the doctors have to do it, and I close my eyes if I see needles on tv. BIGGEST PHOBIA EVER.

Maxie said...

I'm with Matt.

Lets have a Blogger Heroin Meetup

Mike said...

You're going to be around for a looooong time Narmy.

Phil said...

I hear you loud and clear about Nickelback. They make puppies cry.

Himbo said...

Omg, dude, I'm 26. I have until January to become incredibly talented and die infamously! Pressure!!

Btw, I'm a huge fan of all those people but especially The Janis.


I eat at Barney's Beanery in West Hollywood where she ate before going back to her hotel and O.D.-ing on heroine. And I've been to the motel where she died. Yeah, I'm obsessed.


Je said...

My heart belongs to bacon too!

This is precisely why I just admitted on Free and Flawed's blog that I have an Internet crush on you.

But that's okay to admit cause I have a BF and you have a "lady friend," so that makes me not creepy, right?