I don't know if you keep up with the news, Reader, but since I am so sophisticated, I know that the economy is taking a dump right now.
Everyone is freaking out - how do we fix it, where do we get more jobs, how do we lower the deficit, how does Narm get his beard to always look so handsome?
There are no easy answers.
But as we move forward we need to model ourselves after those industries and companies that have found ways to survive these tough times.
And at the top of that list is Playboy.
Think about it - this is a magazine that has given you the EXACT SAME thing for 56 years and guys still go crazy over it. Over the articles...I mean...Lady Friend...if you are reading. Naked girls in Playboy is ALMOST as consistent as articles in Cosmo titled "drive him wild in the bedroom!" It is like Old Faithful. I know that any given week I can go to the store, buy a Playboy and look at boobies...I mean "articles". It is one of the few constants in my life.
But that isn't the amazing part. The amazing part is that we are constantly on the internet - constantly able to look up any of the weirdest, kinkiest, nakednessest porn in the world. In fact, we can look up the exact same pictures that are IN Playboy, on the internet. Or we can look up some crazy fetish site where a naked girl wears a sombrero and rides a lion. It's out there. TRUST ME.
Yet Playboy keeps on selling and Hugh Hefner keeps on dating ridiculously good looking..."articles"...every year.
How does this work?
Why can't we get Obama on this? Screw seeing him give speeches to Congress - I want to see Obama in a bathrobe and two blondes girls so packed with silicon they could pass for Stretch Armstrong. I want to invite Kim Jong-Il to the Playboy mansion and see him playing volleyball with Kid Rock and Carrot Top. He'll take some champagne from one of the girls dressed up as a French maid and look at Obama and be like, "What are we doing with all these nuclear weapons? You are no different than me! Let's drink and creepily look at boobies together!"
And all it took was boobies.
I mean ARTICLES.
All it took was articles.