Wednesday, June 24, 2009

It's Nudie Magazine Day!

I don't know if you keep up with the news, Reader, but since I am so sophisticated, I know that the economy is taking a dump right now.

Everyone is freaking out - how do we fix it, where do we get more jobs, how do we lower the deficit, how does Narm get his beard to always look so handsome?

There are no easy answers.

But as we move forward we need to model ourselves after those industries and companies that have found ways to survive these tough times.

And at the top of that list is Playboy.

Think about it - this is a magazine that has given you the EXACT SAME thing for 56 years and guys still go crazy over it. Over the articles...I mean...Lady Friend...if you are reading. Naked girls in Playboy is ALMOST as consistent as articles in Cosmo titled "drive him wild in the bedroom!" It is like Old Faithful. I know that any given week I can go to the store, buy a Playboy and look at boobies...I mean "articles". It is one of the few constants in my life.

But that isn't the amazing part. The amazing part is that we are constantly on the internet - constantly able to look up any of the weirdest, kinkiest, nakednessest porn in the world. In fact, we can look up the exact same pictures that are IN Playboy, on the internet. Or we can look up some crazy fetish site where a naked girl wears a sombrero and rides a lion. It's out there. TRUST ME.

Yet Playboy keeps on selling and Hugh Hefner keeps on dating ridiculously good looking..."articles"...every year.

How does this work?

Why can't we get Obama on this? Screw seeing him give speeches to Congress - I want to see Obama in a bathrobe and two blondes girls so packed with silicon they could pass for Stretch Armstrong. I want to invite Kim Jong-Il to the Playboy mansion and see him playing volleyball with Kid Rock and Carrot Top. He'll take some champagne from one of the girls dressed up as a French maid and look at Obama and be like, "What are we doing with all these nuclear weapons? You are no different than me! Let's drink and creepily look at boobies together!"

Bam.

World Peace.

And all it took was boobies.

I mean ARTICLES.

All it took was articles.

23 comments:

Lemmonex said...

Exactly...even people who PAY for porn surprise me. It is all free out there, folks. Full videos. Save your money for condoms for when you actually get to fuck a real human being.

Maxie said...

I actually heard playboy was in the shitter. They cancelled play girl! TRAGEDY!

Josh said...

I'm backing up Maxie. I heard Playboy has had to lay off staff and is facing bankruptcy.

Evidently those internet "articles" are starting to win people over.

moooooog35 said...

Maxie:

The canceled Playgirl?!?

What am I going to do with all these negatives from my photo shoot?!?

notthelifeiordered said...

Crap! They cancelled playgirl?! You better be worried, Playboy could be next.

And then the world will end.

Sustaino - said...

You continue to make me smile and laugh! Love it! And yes, the dirty sins of sex, drugs, alcohol and magazines as you have outlined have always been good revenue streams during a down economy. Funny how marketing plays on our emotions, eh? But are they recycled magazines for those dark green consumers?

Regards,
Sustaino

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

didn't playboy go bankrupt? i'm so confused.

and i promise you, you wouldn't be so in love with boobies if you had them yourself, they are obnoxious.

Ben said...

Your solution may come to a grinding halt once Heidi Montag ends up on the cover.

justjp said...

Boobies = World Peace. Check! I will start a non-profit group promoting such issue. I will call it the Missionary position. Promoting world peace through nudity.

surviving myself said...

Let's drink and creepily look at boobies together!

This is pretty much the exact conversation my friends and I have before we go out to the bars.

Christina_the_wench said...

Will they whip out classy magazines like Hustler and Penthouse for 'special' summit meetings then?

lbluca77 said...

See this is the perk of having boobies i don't have to buy a magazine to look at them.

BC said...

Boobies make the world a better place! Boobies DO = world peace. Yay for boobies! Now come over here and let me motorboat you;)

Fizzgig said...

i believe boobs could run the world. One day they just might...........

Matt said...

boobs make everyone feel better.

this is what Playgirl failed to realize.

lacochran said...

World peace = no more boobie traps.

wait... so close there...

Bon Don said...

I even like boobies they are soft and fun to play with (only when they are on someone else, not my own) I think your on to something!

Angela said...

I've got a revelation for you:

You're not the only one to realize the power of boobs.

But, I think you MIGHT have found the answer for world peace.

Lily said...

Lemmonex: wait...where is all this free porn? Have I been looking in the wrong place?

But yeah. Boobies.

Wait, what was I saying?

Mike said...

"It's out there. TRUST ME."

NO WAY! Where? Who's been holding out on me?

Katie said...

PLAYGIRL IS GONE?!

Seriously?!

I'm depressed. This is a reason for me to drink. Like I need a reason

Renee said...

Boobs.

The End.

Phil said...

If porn saves the world, it will be the most historic and greatest thing ever.