I'm trying to buy a house and let me tell you something - it SUCKS. You gotta check the number of bedrooms, bathrooms, new windows, new furnace, insulation, square footage, does it have character?, a yard?, closet space?
Then you find the perfect house and it is in the exact wrong location.
I've walked through damn near 30 houses and there is only one thing I am REALLY looking for - a urinal.
Urinals fucking rule. It takes the thinking out of peeing. You just slap a hand on the wall, lean over and let 'er rip. No worry about missing the pot or splatter on the seat - just mindless urination.
What's that ladies? You want me to put the seat down? How about you put your shut up down - I've got a urinal and I don't follow the rules.
Why aren't urinals standard? Think about all the water we could save by installing urinals in our homes. I'm not thinking of myself, here, I'm thinking about the earf. I'm going to stick my carbon footprint up all you toilet users' asses.
Now I just need to get rich so I can build my own house with urinals everywhere. I imagine all my neighbors will be running over every time they have to pee just so they can use them. I will be king of the neighborhood. The Mr Rogers of bathrooms.
You are all invited - when I get rich and build my own house I'll throw a huge housewarming party. It'll be a bash - kegs, water bottles, coffee, pop - and of course, urinal cake.