I'm a 5'10" unathletic white guy. I'm not good at any sports. Unless sarcasm is a sport. Then I am decent at one sport.
What this means is that when I getting a big running start and jump as high as I can - I get about six inches off the ground. It is something to behold - not everyday you get to see a man completely defeated and embarrassed.
Being a small white guy, I am also entirely too into sports. It's what we do - follow sports and talk about our 401k. You may think it is lame but I'll tell you what is lame - Ben Wallace's free throw percentage. Right? Right?
The combination of being unable to do anything athletic yet obsess over other people's athletic feats makes me wonder what it must be like to jump 47 feet in the air like Lebron James. I can't even see that far without squinting or getting my glasses. I would have to stop and get a hotel to break the trip up if I tried to even walk as far as he can jump.
Which brings me to the point of this post -
I want to jump as high as Lebron James just once.
I don't want to be able to do it forever. I don't want to be Lebron James. I don't want to suddenly be good at anything. I just want to jump like him once.
I will be getting ready to play a pick-up game at the gym and when I get picked last because I am a short white guy I will just grab the ball, run over, jump from across the street, through the door, past the drinking fountain and then dunk it.
Then I'll look back and be all like, "Nevermind, I don't want to play - I've gotta go diversify my portfolio."